I’ve already reviewed Star Wars: The Force Awakens, but that was after a midnight screening, where I was practically incandescent with expectation and, more importantly, fucking tired. Subsequently, my initial reaction wasn’t one of total satisfaction. One or two scenes bugged me, and I couldn’t ignore the fact that what I’d just seen was essentially a less coherent version of A New Hope. But then I watched it again. And to the devastation of my bank account, I had the following realisation: films need to be watched more than once. Now while that simply isn’t feasible for the likes of 50 Shades of Grey or anything else that requires heroin injected into the eyeballs to make even the first viewing bearable, The Force Awakens certainly is worth a second sitting.
The Force might be awake, but I’m knackered. It’s 4:00 AM and I’m up writing this review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, having just got back from a midnight screening. Sleep simply isn’t an option; there’s too many thoughts bouncing around in my head. And while I can tell you there are plenty of positives, I regret to report there are also some issues. JJ Abrams has managed to recapture the magic of the original trilogy, wafting away the stink of the prequels, but as a film in its own right, this is far from perfect. I might just be cranky – that happens when you’ve been anxiously waiting in line with hundreds of other people mooing like mad cows – but it seems like Episode VII – probably the most anticipated film of all time – had the impossible task of living up to its hype.
Isn’t it just awful when a director and crew spend years making a film and then a snarky arsehole comes along and craps all over it after just a three minute trailer? Yeah. Awful. Well here’s me being that arsehole.
Oh look, it’s that girl who choked to death on her own sick in Breaking Bad. Krysten Ritter stars in a new Netflix series as Marvel’s Jessica Jones – a private investigator with super strength and the ability to jump higher than you can be bothered to crank your neck. If that sounds ridiculous it’s because it is. Although, it’s not half as unbearable as the other superhero/comic book shows out there, like Supergirl or Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, which I can’t watch without a doctor in case I cringe my way to a stroke. In fact, it’s actually quite impressive; the reason being it’s not really about superheroes.
Before I begin, it’s worth stating that this trailer has in no way altered my expectations for the film. I’m still looking forward to it, and I still believe it’ll be thoroughly entertaining. There, that should appease any sweaty keyboard warriors primed to attack me with ‘Jesus Christ, give it a chance!’ comments. With that out the way, I can get started.
This trailer is arse.
I’ve just been Force choked to death by Darth Vader. And you know what? I enjoyed it. Not in a perverse, dress up as a Jedi and strangle yourself while beating off way, but in an absorbed, nostalgic sense. I’m quite happy to be finished off by the Dark Lord of the Sith (again, nothing weird) when it’s all part of the authentic and immersive Star Wars Battlefront experience. In fact, I often find myself dying in this game because I’m too busy staring at the utterly breathtaking scenery. ‘Look at that Star Destroyer reflecting on the moonlit lake’ I’ll think to myself, and boom; I’m dropped by a blaster shot to the head. I once let Boba Fett torch me with his flamethrower without even returning fire, because I was more interested in the sand cascading down the side of a nearby rock. It’s frighteningly beautiful; probably the best graphics I’ve ever seen. But just like a Stormtrooper’s helmet, there’s not much going on beneath the glistening exterior of this widely anticipated title.